Wild

I like wild.

The trouble I got myself into included wild. Wild is part of the reason I kept going back. The trouble I got myself into was trouble because what I was doing was wrong and the wild part of it was wrong as well. Even though that is true wild is not always wrong.

In order to subdue my harmful desires there are boundaries and rules. Certain people have permission to ask probing questions and they come in various forms.

•   How are you doing resisting tempting lustful thoughts? Have you looked when you shouldn’t?
•  Do you really need to check your 401k everyday?
•  Are you sure eating that way is healthy? How many drinks have you had this week?
•  Are you working as hard as you could be?
•  Have you reacted in anger to your family, friends or coworkers?
•  Are you looking for something else when what you have is good enough to meet your needs?
•  Are you doing what you do because it feeds your ego?

 Lust, greed, gluttony, sloth, anger, envy and pride - the things that could kill me.

I wonder if I can ever be good enough. Is perfection the only standard? If so I am doomed. Are these fences to protect another’s yard? Or are they a cage for the animal - taking what was once wild and making it tame?

Why can't you, be more like your older brother
Why can't you, do a little more for Jesus
Blood pressure
Do better!
 - Mutemath, Blood Pressure

I’m growing fond of broken people
Cause I see that I am one of them
- Mutemath, Pins and Needles

I hiked with my son into the mountains. We carried everything we needed to survive for a couple of days on our backs. I enjoyed so many parts of it. The strenuous walk through the snow. The warmth of a campfire while sipping a wee dram. The companionship of my son. The beauty of the fourteen thousand foot peaks surrounding the valley we camped in. Seeing the moose graze by the clear stream in the morning. I loved it because it was wild.

In the morning when I am at work I walk from my room through the desert for 2 miles to my office. In the evening I walk back. There is a bus that I refuse to ride. I do this in the summer heat and in the winter cold. I avoid barking dogs and a local who tried to hit me with his car. I enjoy it because it keeps me healthy. I like that people think that doing it is strange and even a bit noble and it feeds my ego. I need the mental space without people for my mind to wander and either prepare for or decompress from my day.

When I am at home I walk through the hills in the Texas hill country. I like that there are sweeping views. I like that the walk is steep in places. I sometimes see whitetail deer. I feel like this is the place I am supposed to be because the air smells like home. More than anything I love my daily walks when I am away for work and when I am at home because they are wild.

I work out most mornings. I ride a stationary bike. I row on a rowing machine. I ‘run’ on an elliptical. I walk/run on the treadmill. I lift weights. I don’t do all of those things every day. I work out because it makes me healthy. I like the feeling of sweating. I enjoy when I feel strong. And I like the way consistent exercise makes me look. More than any reason I do it because there is an aspect of wild in a good work out.

I dug a hole a bit over 44 inches in diameter and 10 inches deep just far enough away from the back porch. I removed rocks and dirt. I leveled the bottom of the hole and poured in paving sand and then started building a circle of brick pavers. Once the bricks were three layers thick and protruded from the ground couple of inches I put red lava rock in the bottom. I took flat rocks from the yard and paved the ground around it. In the dark of the morning after the fire pit was completed I built the first fire in it. I sat in a chair and stared into the glow and felt the warmth while I drank my morning coffee. I enjoyed seeing the thing I had built serve its purpose. I felt a sense of accomplishment of having conceived of and constructed something with my hands. I love our fire pit because there is something primal about a fire. I love it because it is wild.

Wrong is wrong.

Sometimes wild is wrong.

Sometimes wild is so right.

Safe? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he is good. - C. S. Lewis, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe

..you can’t escape it - there is something wild in the heart of every man. - John Eldredge, Wild at Heart