Tuesday, December 06, 2011

What defines me?

Running has not been so great lately – as I have written here. But I know it will get better. I have not run since the Sunday morning I got my tattoo because in order for it to heal properly I am not supposed to sweat profusely. And when I run I sweat profusely.

The time off has been good. But I am about to go crazy. The day I stopped running I was pacing around the living room and Andrea asked me “Is this the way the next two weeks are going to be”?

I am probably going to start running again on Thursday morning and I am looking forward to it but I am anxious too. I want running to be good again. And I know it may not start out that way but eventually it will be. When I go through a hard time running (and in life) that hard time consumes me and in my mind defines me. I think in my mind that I am done. I am not a good runner and will never be again.

I’ve got to push that stuff back because even though I am going through a rough patch, that rough patch does not define the whole of my running. I will run again – maybe not the fastest or longest I have ever run but I will enjoy it. And I will become a better runner.

I am near the end of reading Running the Edge. Today I read this from Adam Goucher:

…ultimate success is not measured in a single victory or setback. Our running and life stories are bodies of work. I might win or lose this race just as I might say the exact right or exact wrong words to my wife. I might make a wise career move or a big mistake, just as I might strongly support a friend or do the wrong thing and let him down. These isolated instances are not what ultimately define us in any life story. It is the commitment to do the little things each day to get better. It is the bigger picture in our mosaic identities more than any single piece.

Catalano, Tim; Tim Catalano; Adam Goucher; Billy Mills (2011-09-01). Running the Edge (Kindle Locations 3235-3239). Maven Publishing. Kindle Edition.